There are many things that cause us upset, anger, disappointment and other negative unpleasant emotions. I’m sure we could very easily have a very full and humorous conversation about all the things that grind our gears!
It seems inevitable, to suffer, to have negative reactions and emotions - an unarguable fact of life some may say? - But what if we explore where this suffering comes from, with a new perception and understanding…
Two people are discussing the weather, one is complaining about the rain, “its cold, it ruins my hair, it’s miserable!” the other comments “I Love the rain! it is so refreshing, so nourishing and life giving, my garden appreciates it as much as me!”
The first person suffers when it rains, the second does not. What is it about the rain that is so bad? - This is where the human with an ego creates judgements and opinions. Rain is neutral. It is neither good nor bad, our reaction to it will name it and experience it as such. Expectation, preference, individual plans and wants all set us up for misery!
Another great example is traffic jams - a familiar frustration! So there you are, not moving. 4 hills of cars ahead of you, and no one is going anywhere. Curses and gritted teeth - it feels unfair, it’s not our fault, and it’s downright inconvenient! (More so a button pusher when we on the way to something, like a massage appointment!) However, the traffic jam is neither good nor bad. To one is it bad, he has been away from home and missed his family, this is cutting into his weekend with them. To another however, a blessing. She is buying more time and has a great excuse for not attending a night out she really doesn’t have the energy for! Neither can change the situation. Look into another persons car and you will see the same anger and impatience & reactions. This situation goes against our personal wants, and it makes us so mad!
This is essentially what the majority of suffering is - a situation or event or comment that disagrees with our individual beliefs, wants, preferences. The ego loves comfort, convenience, everything going its way - but as we all know life is rarely going to satisfy those desires all the time! If we get caught it the rain, we get angry because our clothes will get wet, we will feel cold! These are neutral events laced with emotion and reaction manifesting as suffering! We will dry off, we can do our hair again, we will warm up. A great practice when life throws us challenging situations, is to remember “this is neither good or bad, it just is” and watch your ego kick up a fuss, like a small child almost! Then let the ego’s preference go, and feel yourself calm down. It is a much more peaceful way to live.
This isn’t super easy, and requires practice, patience and compassion for yourself. Use life’s small challenges, mosquito bites, missed buses, last biscuit gone, bad traffic, to exercise your ability to see these things as neutral, temporary events that pass like the clouds, where you can get mad or save your energy. Dropping our need to have our egos needs met is very liberating, and it builds a resilience to see us through the bigger challenges in life too.
“You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.”
― Pema Chödrön